One year with H

A year has passed, December 23 2014.
I wrote this early so that i could remember what to say.
Today i am feeling a little mushy inside.
When i recall all the memories we did together.
Since day 1 i knew him which is back when i was 13 years old.
The first time that i saw him, i just wish that i was close to him.
We did get close to each other, thanks to facebook.
It was the beginning of one splendid adventure.
It was so hard to know about him.
I never stopped trying to discover more.

I don't know what he has that made me want him more and more.
I can't help it, each day we got closer.
I always do see him, he always play around his house.
I know that's him from afar.
We we're so small back then, we don't know what feelings mean.
All i knew is that i am interested to know him a bit more.
What is his likes, dislikes, hobby, ambition.. Everything.
Suddenly we lost contact for a year or so.
I was a bit sad to lose someone who i wanted to explore.
He just disappeared into thin air.
I thought i had lost him forever, but....
He appeared again, when i reach 15. This time, i can see him.
He was reachable now, he is close. 
Very close, a few tables away from me. I can see him right after school.
He is in the same tuition as me, his timetable is the same as mine.
I am glad that i can see him...

We are much closer that time, we talk to each other again.
We never manage to talk face to face though.
I just can't find the courage to even say hi to him.
All i can is just watch him sit there near the bakery, or came down the stairs,
the bridge next to McDonalds, a few tables from me in class..
Or just a few steps away.....
I just couldn't do anything..
He was the first person that i couldn't manage to talk to.
I was social, and i could say to anyone.
Accept for that one boy.

Things didn't go so well, and it changed again when i reached 16..
At the end of the year..
It changed again. He had gone missing again..
I know he is there. I just know it.
He is there....
I just couldn't figure out why it all change so sudden.
It doesn't feel the same.
I can see him, on wechat, twitter, facebook and whatever place.
But he is not talking to me..
I find the courage to say hi, everytime he did update his status on WeChat.
He still gives me the cold shoulder.
Then we stopped talking, because i just don't want to annoy him.

Then when i reach 17.
He is still in the same place as me, same class, same room, same day, same time.
We still have that distance in between us though.
The gap between us was so big that time. I just don't understand why.
The moment that i couldn't forget was the first time that he said hi to me.
It was in front of Andrew Choo. I was too happy. 
I couldn't say a word, or think up of a topic.
He was awkward too, so the conversation didn't went that well.
That was the best day ever for me.

When i reach 18, my life was still empty without him.
I had a rough time thinking what had gone wrong...
I got a letter saying that i successfully got a chance to further my studies.
It's in Melaka though.

Then everything began to change...
He appeared in my life again, this time everything changes.
We only talked to each other once.
What made it more exciting, i finally got to close the most huge gap out of all.
We went out on our very first date.
It was my first date with a guy.
Just the two of US.
I had never felt this way before in my life.
I wanted to close this gap between us a long time ago.
I never got the courage to even talk to him face to face.
Now i did, he is right beside me.
I just wish it has always been like this a few years back.

Maybe it wasn't the right time for it.
I just wish right after the date, it doesn't end.
That what was on my mind that day, when the gap is closed.
I wish it stays that way.

It did... 23 December 2014.
It all changed, theres no more gap in between us at all.
It's been a year with you, and i had so much fun.
A year spent with someone whom i have been waiting for years.
I don't know why. I know a year is not big of a deal.
But that ONE YEAR feeling you gave me, it was new to me.
It was the first, eventhough i have meet with so many guys.
You're the first to make me feel that way.
You made me feel special...

A year filled with laughter, tears, fights, smiles all of those feelings i couldn't describe.
You are the first to my everything.
Since day 1, i knew i had waited for someone thats worth it.
I know there is still many more years to come ahead of us.
I know that things will change in the future.
I know that there will be more obstacles.
I know that we might not be feeling this way in the future ( if fate says so )
I know that there is someone else much more better then me.

All i want you to know..
I have loved you for a year, and i had been writing about you since day 1.
In that very year.
I have learned so many things about you and..
I appreciate what you had done for me.
I can't promise you the future.
But all i can say is that, i hope that..
The future is written about us ^^

I want to write more about you..
Let me, be the only one to tell you that i love you.
Let me be.. The only one to describe you..
Let me... Be the only one in your life for many years to come ^^

1 year filled with love :3

- Happy advance anniversary i guess -
You wanted to read it, well here it is XD
Its no longer a surprise, but it doesn't mean i tak boleh buat lagi.
And it doesn't mean i can't do better then this kan ?
I love you ^^


That feeling when you misses someone so bad.
Hugging his hoodie, and his scent on the hoodie...
It made you feel better, but still empty inside.
You just can't help but think, and wanting to see him.
Tears began to be filled up in my eyes everytime i started to think about him.
Now he is stuck on my mind. Every second.
Everything that i do reminds me of you.
I keep on hugging your hoodie and wishing that it was you instead.
I miss you a lot right now.
I can't help it.
I can't help myself, i can't stop loving you.
I just couldn't..

I just wish i can see you now.. I just wish you're here.
I wish that theres no distance in between us right now.
Feeling so empty..

I know i need to hold on.
I need to be strong.
I am trying.

I miss you... A.H. 


Good day blog ~
2014 is ending in just a few minutes from now.
I guess its best to update.
Its been awhile.
I  guess it has been around 4 years or 5 maybe that this blog has been exist ?
Not sure.

Now its 2014 ~ 
It happened to be the best among all.
So many things happened ~
I love each and every memories of it ^^.
Even the downs.

I am ready to face 2015 ~
Also a brand new me ^^/


I used to think that if you want to be happy.
You have to be with someone.

I guess not ~
Now its better for me, i am free ~
I can be just like the birds.

Flying freely.
No matter where i wanna go.
No one can ever stop me.

~ People often think i am in a relationship with someone ~
Guess what, nope ~

Last update for 2014 ?
NAHHH, there will be more updates tomorrow ;)
Reminding me of the best 2014 of my life ~

Dear 2015, be nice to me ~